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[murrika]

"get your fucking hand off my shoulder before i star spangle beat the shit out of you"

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cybucky au!!! for @freightcars

[murrika]

[ it was months, and months, and months, before steve even begrudgingly agreed to try out this idea for a program that tony had. they'd started the discussion a while back, the first time it was aggressively suggested that steve submit himself to counseling by fury and tony both. back then, it was something about jumping off the building and into a burning helicopter, and he'd just shaken his head, making some dry comment about 'safety first'.

the last straw had been a couple weeks ago. a mission in deep enemy territory, hunting a weapon that needed terminating, that went south. the order was to pull back and rendezvous with an extraction team waiting for him. steve refused, and after the third instance of fury screaming at him through the ear piece, he shut it off. while steve was off securing the payload, the extraction team waiting to save their beloved and respected captain, waiting at the meet point for far longer than they were meant to, far longer than they were told to, came under fire. five men wounded, two still in critical condition. steve himself, having run into a building with a timer to self-destruct, only learned this upon waking up next to them in the hospital. all because steve rogers couldn't wait two freaking seconds to listen to orders and reason.

it was the first time the monumental risks he took weren't just dolling out consequences to him alone, and even steve had to admit, he'd gone too far. after a loud, profane, animated "lecture" about being part of a team from fury, steve was handed an official memorandum - orders from the US government for captain steve rogers to attend mandatory psychological evaluation and counseling, and adhere to all advised directives from that professional, else be striped of rank, gear, and global authority via honorary discharge from service.

so, here we are. sitting in tony's lab, with a little touch screen device that looks like a phone in his hand, squinting down at the title of the open window, which simply reads "Bucky 2.0". Tony probably thought he was being cheeky. Steve just presses his lips in a tight line, and keeps his comments to himself. On that topic, at least. On the rest, not so much.

"Say something to him."

"It."

"Him, it, them, whatever. Come on, Cap, you're killin' me. The more it intel it gets from you, the more it learns, the better it works. Call it a favor for science."

"Fine." He'd picked up the device, and squinted at the text box for a minute or five. "What do I say?"

"Do I really need to run you through the How To Communicate with People course?"

"It's not a per-"

"Yes, I know, put the shaking-cane away, Grandpa Rogers. Just say 'hi', and see where it goes."

so, that's where we are. just saying hi and seeing where it goes. while aggressively telling yourself you're only profaning the memory of your dearest and closest and most beloved friend, because you're not allowed to keep saving the world if you don't, and if the actual bucky were still here, he'd tell you to quite bitching and just do it, who cares? appease them and get back to what's important. how much is it really going to cost you, steve?

here we go. forgive him, saint barnes, for the sin of pretending you're a cell phone for a few months. ]

Hi.

[freightcars]

[ Bucky 2.0 is typing...

It's not an accurate statement. There are no fingers on keyboards anywhere behind the scenes, and Tony Stark knows that. Tony knows Steve knows that. CyBucky knows that. They settled on 'typing', though, because 'thinking' is a little too uncanny valley.

His core personality matrix more or less accepted input from historical sources, seemed to outright reject certain strings of data from unverified sources. Shot them down so quickly, so instantly, it almost seem sassy. The handshake with Jarvis was more tentative, the acceptance of his prime directive was delivered and swiftly incorporated as though it had always been.

Prime directive aligns with core personality matrix.
Debriefing of status, self-reflection, machine learning, intelligence that is somehow both artificial and organic.

A lot goes on behind the scenes at Steve's first message, but all Steve sees is:

Bucky 2.0 is typing...
For long, ticking seconds.
Finally, what comes through with a friendly little bloop noise is: ]

70 years later and he still doesn't know how to make small-talk with strangers.

[murrika]

[ when he reads it, the first thing that comes out of steve, like a knee-jerk, like a conditioned response, like second fucking nature, is a snort, borderlining on an eyeroll, had he not realized what he was doing, felt guilty like it was a betrayal, and shut it down. without even trying, it reads in steve's mind in bucky's voice, and that alone strikes enough emotion in him it could bring a man to tears, if steve was the kind of man to weep often. the last time he did, he thinks, it was over the same man.

he has to pause for a second, bringing a thumb and forefinger up to pinch the bridge of his nose, and steve can just feel tony watching him in some reflection of a window or a screen, in that paying-attention-while-not-paying-attention tony stark way he does. this is embarrassing.

"Which source told you I don't know how to make small-talk with strangers?"

"A, I don't read the material, JARVIS does, and B, no one needs a source to figure that one out."

Well, that's fair. Not like he's really made his social life much of a priority since waking up in the wrong era. Or, you know, ever. so that's not much of a difficulty to extrapolate. somehow, that makes him feel better about this. okay, "Steve is typing..." ]

Always had someone else willing to run their mouth for me.

[ he doesn't say 'you', won't, can't do that to bucky's memory. no matter how much tony wants him to pretend this thing is real, it's too cruel. nothing could replace the man james barnes was, and who he was to him>, no matter how well designed. ]

[freightcars]

[ Bucky 2.0 has changed his nickname.
Bucky is typing... ]

and now they're trying to get someone to run your brain for you too, huh?

It was just a matter of time.

[murrika]

[ squinting at the nickname, chewing at the inside of a lip. steve pushes up from the table, with a glance sent to Tony that says something along the lines of "I'm still not okay with this, but I'm going to go sit down somewhere more private to experience my feelings about it", and so he does, crossing out of the lab towards a couch he settles into.

steve sits rigid, leaning forward with elbows on his knees and device between his hands. each reply takes a few minutes longer than it should.

Think you got that one a little backwards. I'm not the one made out of 1s and 0s here, pal.

[freightcars]

[ Bucky is typing....
Bucky is typing...
Bucky has stopped typing.
Bucky is typing... ]

How bout we table the existential crisis you're trying to give me for a minute and focus on the bigger picture

TFLNs bc reasons, swap pronouns as you like idk idk

[murrika]

1.] Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."

2.] I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated.

3.] This strobe light makes my body turn on and off.

4.] Their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins", so of course today was interesting.

5.] I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me... keeping constant eye contact.

3

[freightcars]

buddy, I'm pretty sure that's just a seizure

[murrika]

Oh. I don't think I'm supposed to have those.

3

[weirding]

Need any help with that?

[murrika]

I'm assuming there's a switch.

For the light, I mean. Not my body.

[ this got weird. ]

[weirding]

For the light. Or for your head?

Which one do you need?

[murrika]

Light. Let's try that one first.

Head seems like a bigger problem.

[weirding]

Perhaps if the switch is too difficult to locate, you might smash it.

1

[webslingers]

i was?

[murrika]

Got the noise complaint to prove it, kid.

[webslingers]

can you just burn whatever evidence you may or may not have?
and don't tell mr. stark.
does he know? oh god, i hope he doesn't.

[murrika]

Contrary to popular belief, Tony and I really don't chat that much. Your secret's safe.

I'd be a hypocrite if I gave you the underaged drinking talk, but I'm hoping that's lesson learned?

4.

[bathrobed]

If you're referring to the bi-monthly competition I have with Thor, I'd thank you not to slander a fine Asgardian tradition with the rest of your companions. It wouldn't do to hurt his feelings.

[murrika]

You neglected to give us an actual name for it, so I made do. There ever a point you actually lose that competition?

[bathrobed]

It's easier if I win. His way of escaping your people's custody is both less effective and more noticeable than mine.

5.

[awesomeee]

see there's your first mistake
never make eye contact with drunk mr. stark
last time i did he pretty much gave me a ted talk on how i'm the same as bambi
it was actually pretty convincing??

ps. were you around for bambi or did you miss that
it's like the oldest one
not as old as you but
still old

[murrika]

You think I'd learn that by now.
Seeing as I've been around long enough I can practically hear exactly how that Ted Talk would go.
Having a hard time arguing against it, too.

I was, actually.
It came out in '42. Year before I enlisted.
It actually tanked pretty hard when it first hit theaters. Didn't expect to hear it called a classic when I woke up.

[awesomeee]

ok well if i'm bambi then you're
cinderella
only instead of getting a nice dress they made you into a beefcake
and instead of going to the ball you went to the war

i'm pretty sure you're a classic too, you know
i saw a burger named after you once
that only happens once you reach peak icon

pics!!

[carrytheshield]

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